We can’t save them all.

I tried.

I tried really hard.

I’m so sorry, sweetheart.

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I kept syringe-feeding Bandit every two hours Wednesday and Thursday. Sometimes she would eat on her own, but sometimes she didn’t seem interested and I would syringe-feed it to her. I knew I might lose her, but she had made it so far, and I was so hopeful that she would pull through.

Thursday night around 12 am, I checked in on her and tried to syringe-feed her a little bit. She was so weak she could barely lift her head up. I started to get a feeling that I was going to lose her.

I brought her to the emergency vet. I brought the next weakest one, the gray tuxie, because even though I wasn’t as worried for him, I figured they could give him fluids and that would help.

I thought she might die before I even got her there. She hung on. They tried to give her fluids, but she was so little they couldn’t get the catheter in there. They tried to give her intraosseous fluids (through the bone). Her temperature dropped, her blood sugar dropped. Her chances of survival slipped lower.

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The intraosseous catheter clogged. I think she was already halfway gone, and there was nothing else to do except let her go.

I stroked her and whispered to her that I loved her, and that I knew my foster angels up in Kitty Heaven were waiting for her, and they would look after her now.

I think it was the best decision for her. It would have been a long, hard journey for her to recover, and at least she’s free of pain now.

To say it broke my heart would be an understatement. But I’ve lost kittens before, and I will probably lose them again. You have to know that you did the best you could for them. That they certainly would have died without you. That you gave them a chance, and you let them die with love.

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If I had to do it all over again, I would.

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And I will.

Fly high, little angel.

I named the gray tuxie Bounce, in hopes that he’ll bounce back. He’s still in rough shape, but he is stronger than Bandit was. I brought him to my regular vet this morning for more fluids, and I had them recheck his stool. They didn’t see giardia, coccidia, or worms. I’m going to finish out the meds and keep feeding them often – they’re all on Recovery canned food, which is a special high-calorie, easy-digest food specially for sick kitties.

The coming weekend is an adoptathon weekend, and I’m planning to bring Misty, Breezy, and Summer. I’ll probably have my hands full with that and caring for the Monkeys, so I will likely take a few days off from posting to get everything together.